Only Pretending
by MaddenedByMercury
Summary: Rachel leaves Sam and Lima behind for New York. Full summary.Sequel to My Side of the Story, sister project of You and Me. OC, Hummelberry and Raine friendships. St. Berry and Samchel relationships.
1. Rachel in New York

**Full Summary: **Rachel loved Sam, but when their senior year came to an end, she had to make her decision. She let Sam go and left for New York with Kurt and his boyfriend Blaine. Together they will share an apartment trying to make it in New York. Rachel will try to get over Sam, just as Jesse St. James comes. She has a job, a lot of new friends, but she is struggling on Broadway. And a year after she moves to New York, she gets a surprise.

**A/N**

**Here we again =D For people returning, welcome back. For new people, well hello lol. This is a sequel to ****My side of the story ****so you might want to read that if you haven't already. **

**This takes place after high school, when Rachel leaves for New York. A lot of this will take place in her point of view for a few chapter, and I have another related story I am putting up called ****You and Me ****following them in their senior year, I have this story because of the lack of Samchel fluff in this story and yadda yadda. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>Rachel Berry was leaving Lima Ohio.<p>

Graduation was over, and she was leaving and never going back. She said goodbye to everyone, all except one.

The one that mattered most.

But she dropped by the biggest graduation party, which Damien was throwing. Her, along with Kurt and Blaine, drove over and went inside the home, splitting ways as soon as they got in. Underaged kids were getting drunk and partying, celebrating their graduation. Rachel didn't need to drink and part, because she was leaving. It all seemed so juvenile to her, but she was there to give her farewells. Slowly, she found everyone in Glee club, her only friends, one by one, or couple by couple.

Tina and Mike smiled sadly at her, wishing her the best of luck. And to keep in touch.

Santana rolled her eyes and said "Later." but her girlfriend gave her _the look _so she sighed angrily, pulling Rachel into an aggressive and reluctant hug. "I _guess_ I _might _miss you." Then Brittany hugged her, saying she most _certainly would _miss her. Then said she heard about the split, and how sorry she was.

Rachel didn't have to say goodbye to Kurt and Blaine, they were coming with.

Mercedes teared up and hugged her. "Even though you were annoying and sometimes I couldn't stand you, I'm going to miss you a _hell _of a lot.

Artie smiled and told her to message him on Facebook to let him know how she was doing. She wasn't close to him really.

Puck looked at her sadly, wiping at his _absolutely not tear filled _eyes. "You better call me like, _all _the time." Lauren asked her what her name was.

Quinn stared at her, then nodded. "I knew you were going to get out of here." then she unexpectedly threw her arms around Rachel. "Don't tell anyone, but I will miss you."

Finn stood next to Quinn awkwardly while the two girls hugged. When they pulled apart, he grabbed her into a bear hug. "I am happy for you, Rach."

When they pulled away, she looked at the two. "So, are you two...?" They shared a look.

"Possibly." Quinn grinned.

And that was it; She said goodbye to everyone. Well, not _everyone._

He locked eyes with her for a moment, and she felt her breath catch as they stared at each other from across the room for a full five seconds. There was an unclear emotion on his face, and before she could figure it out he turned away. She saw him holding a red cup, chugging it down. He never drank. Her heart ached, but she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't let anything get in the way of her future.

Not even love.

She was going to Broadway, and she was never looking back again.

"_I close my eyes _

_I look away_

_That's just because I'm not okay._"

* * *

><p>With a heavy mind, she turned around and left the party. Before she reached the door, she turned around and looked at her friends for the last time until she didn't know when. Would they all stay in touch? She wanted to think so, but if they didn't, she would carry on. She would forever hold the Glee club in her heart, and all of the people she met in it.<p>

Blaine and Kurt were already standing by the car, having said their goodbyes. Blaine had an arm slung over Kurts shoulders, who was crying. They looked up as Rachel reached them. Kurt smiled at her sadly. "I didn't know it would be this hard."

Rachel returned the smile. "Neither did I." _Don't cry Rachel, do not cry._ The tears filled her eyes, she couldn't stop them. She just wanted to turn around and run into the house and kiss him, hug him, to tell him she loved him. But she _wouldn't, couldn't. _

Kurt noticed her tears and pulled away from Blaine and pulled her into a hug. "Just be strong for a little longer, Rachel. We have a long day ahead of us."

She nodded into his shoulder and he pulled away. Kurt turned to Blaine, smiling. Blaine cupped his face, staring him in the eyes. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. There is nothing here for me." _Me either, not anymore_, Rachel thought bitterly. "You ready to leave Lima forever, Rachel?"

She nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.

* * *

><p>They piled into the minivan Blaine rented. Rachel sat in back, <em>staring <em>at Kurt and Blaines intertwined hands. She couldn't help but feel jealous, and to wish Sam was by her side.

Ugh, she _had_ to stop thinking about Sam. She tried reading, listen to music, anything she could do in a car to occupy her mind but her thoughts would drift back to the adorable dork. She missed everything about him.

The way he played his guitar, tell her dumb jokes when she was sad, distract her when she was trying to do homework, rub her feet when they ached or let her wiggle them under him when he was sitting when they were cold, how he would stroke her hand with the one he wasn't holding it with when he was deep in thought. The _look _he had when he was deep in thought, how he kissed her just right. The way he put up with her tantrums when she had one of her episodes. How he was so careful her first time, and when he apologized over and over when she was in pain, going extra extra slow while planting kisses all over her face, trying to kiss the pain he was causing her away. How he held her afterwards and told her how beautiful she was, how amazing. When they would be in a room surrounded by cheerleaders and he only had eyes for her. How he looked at her like she was the only thing in the room.

She had regret, she was so _guilty. _She left her love for New York, but she had to. She couldn't allow him to drop everything to go with her.

Sam was accepted into a college where he planned to do his four years to find out what he wanted to do with his life, and they both knew he wouldn't be able to get accepted to any of the surrounding schools she was moving to, let alone pay for it. His football scholarship would only cover Ohio.

What hurt most of all were his tears and understanding. He said _okay. _And when she tried to say more, he said quickly and brokenly, "Let's just leave it like this. I'm happy for you. You will become something. Just, please, I want to be alone, there is nothing more to say. Goodbye Rachel, I wish you the best." and practically ran out of her room before she could stop him.

That was just yesterday, the hurt fresh in her heart.

* * *

><p>The drive took a day, and Kurt got annoyed with Blaine and the way he stayed cheery the <em>whole <em>time. They got stuck in New York traffic for a few more hours until they got to a grundy part of New York. Blaine pulled into their apartment parking lot and they grabbed some of their things.

It was one of those old apartments were twenty people use to live together on the same floor. The elevator didn't work so they took ten flights of stairs to their studio apartment. The apartment came so cheap because a man had beaten his wife's lover to death in that very apartment("  
>Beggers can't be choosers." Blaine said).<p>

It was large and empty, save for a long couch and a loveseat. Kurt ran around, looking at everything, making plans for redecoration. Blaine patiently reminded him they would be on a tight budget for a while, but Kurt waved off the small diversion. "We will go room by room." he stated simply.

In a days time, Burt would be there with a uhaul of furniture. Rachel had been so grateful for the act of kindness. They weren't able to bring beds and such with them in the minivan, so Burt automatically said he had a buddy who owed him a favor, and somehow that favor involved him being able to use the mans uhaul for free. Carol would come with, Finn would stay in Ohio.

There was two room, both on different sides of the large studio apartment to which Rachel was grateful. She didn't want to accidently hear any late night rendezvous Kurt and Blaine might have.

Both rooms were the same basically, so there was no argument over who got what. Rachel sat her first suitcase in the room, as if her way of declaring it officially.

They spent the rest of the day bringing suitcases and whatever boxes they could fit up the stairs. Oddly, they never ran into any neighbors, not once. Blaine said it was basically student housing, so their neighbors would be young kids trying to make it in New York, so they would seldom be home.

At the end of the day, they had a small plasma set up on the floor and the three watched television. Rachel opened her laptop and went onto Facebook, shamefully looking at Sams profile.

She wouldn't cry though. Not yet. Just a little longer.

He wasn't the type to update his statuses often, so there was nothing other then the "single" status to relate to the breakup. "Oh Rachel, please don't tell me you're looking at his profile." she suddenly heard.

"No." she said, clicking on the home button. She looked at Kurt, who had on a skeptical look.

But he didn't press it. "When do you two start work?" he asked.

Blaine had a friend in New York who owned a restraunt, and he was able to get a job for Rachel and Blaine. Rachel was glad she came into New York with a job, instead of searching for one. Kurt was going to work as a fashion designers assistant, how he had gotten so lucky he apparently didn't know.

"Tuesday." Blaine said. "In four days."

"Ah." Kurt replied. "I start in five."

"I heard Claire Von was hard to work with." Blaine said, referring to the fashion designer Kurt would be working with.

Kurt heaved a sigh, laying his head on his boyfriends shoulder. "Yes well, I heard the same from her former assistant. But she is the best in New York, and she has perfect taste, so if I work for someone, it might as well be her. Even if she is a dragon lady."

Rachel soon fell asleep on the couch, her first night in New York.

* * *

><p>The next day was grueling. Up and down the stairs, over and over, carrying heavy things. Blaine and Burt put together frames and beds or whatever, while Rachel, Kurt, and Carol put things in their place. It was an all day job, but there wasn't time to put everything away and make it look nice. Burt and Carol just got everything moved in.<p>

Their third day in New York was spent cleaning cob webs and dusting and vacuuming, Rachel spent a large amount of time setting up her room. She had a desk, a few shelves her dads had given her, and her bed. Sadly, personalizing it and making it look pretty would take another day, but at least everything was in its place.

Whatever wasn't furniture, such as her stuff, were in boxes. She stacked those in the corner, except one. Her Sam box. She wasn't ready to get rid of it, so she hid it deep in her closet.

Then they set up the living room, adding another two couches and a coffee table. As a gift from all their parents, they had a kitchen set with plates, cups, bowls, pans, pots, forks, and so on. Rachel knew exactly how lucky she was.

On her third night in New York, Rachel let herself cry finally.

* * *

><p>The next day, Rachel had her first day of work.<p>

The restraunt was called _Rons Place._ It was owned by, obviously, a guy named Ron who graduated when Blaine was a freshmen. At Dalton, they had a program were seniors helped freshmen get settled in, and Ron was the one who showed Blaine around. The two stayed in touch, but that also had something to do with their family being close.

Ron was only a few years older then Rachel, but he already had his own successful restraunt. He was tall, a little taller then Kurt, with auburn hair and green eyes, and a five o'clock shadow. He was very handsome. He had some tattoos on his arms, stretching from his fore arm to his bicep.

_Rons Place _was founded on a nice loan from his parents, and he proudly states he paid every last penny back. It was basically a classy, gourmet like burger joint with an almost outdoor feeling, with wooden floors and furniture, the lights slightly dimmed and a fireplace hear and there(fake, of course).

Ron greeted the two happily, in a white dress shirt and vest, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It seemed like that would be the male uniform. The female one seemed to be a black pants with a waist apron, and white button up shirt.

"Alright, its not too hard, everyone here is real family like, so if you cause drama you are out." he stated, walking briskly though his restraunt, the two following close behind. "Everyone is real nice, so don't worry about getting confused or doing something wrong or rubbing someone the wrong way. I hand picked our little family with nothing but the best."

"Alison!" he shouted suddenly. A girl with shoulder length caramel hair jumped slightly, but walked toward them.

"Give me a heart attack." she said, rolling her eyes.

"This is Alison-" Ron started.

"Ali." she corrected, smiling at Blaine and Rachel.

"Whatever, Ali. Ali here is my go-to girl, so she will be showing you the ropes." she nodded proudly next to him. "Ali, this is my friend Blaine, and his friend Rachel. Spread the word that he swings for the other team, I already saw Kelsey throwing her googly eyes at him."

Ali gave a two finger salute. "Can do!" Rachel laughed nervously, glancing at Blaine who was blushing shyly.

"Alright, get back to work. I don't pay you for nothing."

Ali huffed but turned on her heel and walked away. Ron gestured to the Rachel and Blaine and they followed him into the kitchen. There was only five people in there, but they all seemed to be busy. "Can I have everyone's attention?" Two girls, and three guys looked up at Ron. Two were obviously chefs, the other three seemed to be waiters/waitresses, except one didn't have a waist apron.. "This is Rachel and Blaine. Be nice and show them the ropes."

"Guys, this is," he said, pointing to an _incredibly_ tall(had to be at least over six feet), lean man with brown hair and blue eyes, clean and calm looking. "Randall. Next to him," he stopped mid gesture and sighed, looking at a girl with short bright blonde hair that reminded Rachel of Sam. She had dark eyes and too much makeup. "is our resident raccoon Kelsey, and you need to go wash that eye make up off for the _last time_."

Kelsey rolled her eyes. "Fine." she said, walking briskly out of the kitchen.

"Anyway, this guy right here," he said, smiling now and pointing to a man barely taller then Blaine, with shaggy brown hair that hung buy his ears and gorgeous dark green eyes. He looked timid, and he was glaring at Ron. "is Spencer. He is the shift manager and financial advisor."

"We need to talk." Spencer said shortly.

Ron groaned. "About _what?_"

"You _promised _me no more TV's." he held up a clipboard. "Why on earth did you order _three more?_"

Ron laughed nervously "We'll talk about that later." Spencer was about to object, but Ron cut him off determidly. "That is our lead chef, Dominick." he said, pointing to an almost husky guy with dark blonde hair and brown eyes. He gave them a giant wave. "And that is our other chef next to him, Colette." he said, Rachel looked at the girl with red hair and green eyes, freckles scattered about her nose and cheekbones. She looked model beautiful.

"Can we _si vous plais _get 'ack to work now?" she asked, in a heavy French accent. "I can not 'zeet around all day-"

"No one knows what you're saying." Ron interupted,, waving her off. She huffed, went into a long rant under her breath that Rachel couldn't understand, and went back to cooking. "Ignore her. She's French." he said it as if it explained everything about her. "Okay, so go get changed and meet back here and we can start orientation."

* * *

><p>Rachel was paired up to do orientation with Randall. He didn't make small talk, and if he didn't have to say anything then he was silent. Rachel didn't mind the quiet though.<p>

Randall showed her how to charge a credit card, a neat way to remember which table was which number, and she stood by him while he got customers orders and meals.

Blaine was paired up with Ali, which Rachel hear him sigh in relief to because it was either her or Kelsey, the girl with too much eye makeup.

The next day, they were left to their own devices and it wasn't too bad. Even the afternoon lunch rush wasn't bad. And Blaine spent the better part of his day avoiding Kelsey's advances,

At one point, Ali pulled Rachel outside. "Smoke break." she explained as they stepped into the secluded alley way.

"I don't smoke." Rachel said.

Ali laughed at that. "Not yet." Ali fiddled with her cigarette pack and took one out, holding it in her delicate fingers. "So, where you from?"

"Ohio." Rachel answered while Ali lit her cigarette.

"Really." she said, sounding slightly intrigued. "What brings you to New York?"

"Broadway." Rachel said, blushing.

Ali was blowing at smoke as she said that and Rachel felt a cough raise in her throat, she held it back. Ali was grinning broadly. "Really now? Are you any good?"

"Well, if I _do _say so myself. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." Ali laughed at that.

"You will have to sing for me sometime." she said, looking thoughtful. "Have a boyfriend?"

Rachel felt herself freeze, but regained composure. "No... No, I don't." Rachel tried to smile as Ali stared right threw her.

"I know that look and tone of voice." she said, wisely. "Did he end it?"

Rachel considered lying, but by the way Ali was looking at her, she could see there was no point in denying it. "No, I did." she could hear how pathetic she sounded in her voice.

"Hope it was worth it." Ali said, flicking her but and stepping on it. Rachel didn't say anything but Ali put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Let's head back in."

Later that night, Kurt didn't get home until after Blaine and Rachel. It was a little odd for Rachel to be alone with Blaine and work with him, because she never really talked to him other then the time they went on a date. They could both laugh that off now.

They were sitting at the kitchen table when Kurt got home. "She is the _devil._" were the first words out of his mouth.

"How was work, sweetie?" Blaine asked, grinning. Kurt glared at him.

"I have never met such a pain in the ass in all my life. It's like I'm in _The Devil Wears Prada _or something. She made three models bawl their eyes out today, then _I _had to run around to comfort them."

"How did she make them cry?" Rachel asked.

"One was apparently too fat to pull of her design, one was too masculine she said, and apparently the last one was just '_stupid_'." Rachel felt her jaw drop.

"Does she like you at least?" Blaine asked.

"Yes, she likes me. Even if my, quote, 'fashion sense could use some work'. She is brilliant, just a giant nightmare." Kurt sighed, sitting down with them. "How was work?"

"Blaine hid from Kelsey on the roof during his lunch break." Rachel grinned, causing the other boy to groan.

"Whom?" Kurt asked.

"Someone we work with." Blaine grumbled.

"Should I be worried?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course." Blaine answered. "If I were you I would be pulling out all the stops just to make sure-" Kurt pushed him playfully, turning scarlet.

* * *

><p>On the third day of work, Rachel began to realize that everyone she worked with was clinically insane.<p>

It started with when she got to work before opening. She walked into the kitchen to find Randall and Dominick standing about a foot apart, each grasping each others elbows, and to their side was a ladder with Ali at the top. "Okay, _what_ am I supposed to do again?"

"You jump down," Randall began. "feet first and when your feet reach us, just as you land we will jerk you up like a spring and you will do a flip forward and try to land on your feet."

"And say 'Opah!' when you do." Dominick added.

"We will act like a catapult." Randall went on. "Or like a slingshot, kind of."

Rachel stared at them with wide eyes, and expecting Ali to say heck no, was surprised to hear, "Oh, okay I think I get it now."

Just then, the doors to Rons' office opened and Ron froze, hand still on the handle and stared at the three. Rachel though for sure he would have a sane reaction, a smile broke out on his face. "Is this the catapult idea?"

"Yup." Randall said.

Just then Spencer walked in from the other sides, and he had a sane reaction. "_This better not be the catapult!_"

"Its not." Randall said smoothly. "We changed the name to slingshot."

"No we didn't." Ali said.

"You guys can't do that!" Spencer said, looking flustered. "If someone got hurt-"

"Don't be a stick in the mud." Ron said. "Continue." he added, turning to Dominick and Randall.

"No, don't continue! You are supposed to be their boss, this has to violate _some_-"

"Shh." Ron said holding up his hand. Spencer shut his mouth, looking around as if he was supposed to be hearing something, oblivious that Ron was just distracting him. Spencer looked confused.

"On the count of thee!" Ali said, looking impatient.

"No!"

"Three!" the two boys yelled. Ali jumped down, causing Rachel to gasp, and as soon as her feat landed on their arms as she tried to balance, it was too late for them to do the 'catapult' part so she fell in between them, both going to catch her. "Damn it!" Randall yelled.

"Ugh, we'll have to try again later." Ali groaned, dusting her self off.

Spencer was fuming, but left the room without another room. Ron was laughing, staring at the doors he went out of. Rachel and Blaine exchanged a look.

The next instance was during closing time, when Randall and Dominick, who was a chef and didn't even need to be there, were jumping table from table. Rachel marched up to them. "What are you guys doing?" she demanded. She knew she was the new girl and she didn't really have a right to demand anything, but standing on the tables _had _to be against the rules.

"The floor is lava." Dominick explained.

"It is not!" Rachel argued.

"Rachel died." Randall muttered quietly from a few tables away. She had learned that he was only especially quiet when people he didn't know were around. Ron assured her after a month she would hear a lot from him.

"BOSS." Dominick yelled loudly, causing Rachel to jump and turn around. "The floor is lava!" Ron, who was collecting the eating utensils off each table, jumped up on the table without responding and carried on with his business. Suddenly Ali walked in. "Al, the floor is lava."

She, however, did not jump on the table. "I'm wearing special lava resistant shoes." she said boredly, not looking at him as she passed by.

"You're no fun." Dominick said. "Oh, Blaine! The floor is lava."

"I died." Blaine responded, wiping down the tables. Rachel was amazed that he was taking their insanity in stride, adapting to it as soon as it happened. While she admired that she now felt like the only outsider.

"Shoot, you guys." Dominick rolled his eyes, taking a large leap to another table.

"You better get down before Spencer comes in and loses it." Ali said, pulling on her coat.

Randall and Dominick exchanged looks, shrugging. "I have to leave anyways. Have a good one, guys." Dominick and Ali walked out.

"Is everyone here crazy?" Rachel huffed.

"Pretty much." Ron shrugged. "It's what makes work so fun and interesting though." he added cheerfully.

Interesting was right. Rachel sighed, looking around at the restraunt. She could already tell it would be chaotic, but maybe that was a good thing. Anything to keep the thoughts of him from her mind.


	2. Sam makes an ass of himself

**A/N**

**This is just a short angst filled version of how Sam took the break up. Its a lot of angst, but its the last we will see in a while. Thank you to the people who read My Side of the Story and are reading this one and reviewing! You guys are cool.**

**You and Me will be up soon.**

* * *

><p>Sam knew something was up when Rachel started acting... different about a week before the break up.<p>

He could tell she was pulling away, and whenever he said _I love you_ she would get this guilty look in her face when she said it back. When he kissed her, she would stiffen. Whenever he tried to grab her hand, she would _discreetly _cross her arms just as his finger tips touched hers. And she always found excuses to not hang out and after a few days of that he didn't even bother asking.

Somehow, he knew it was the end. He could tell, it would take an idiot to not get the signs. That's why when she suddenly asked him to come over, he expected the worse.

She was sitting on her bed, smiling when he walked in. He didn't even sit down, just stood in front of her, waiting for her to say what he has been dreading. "Hey." she said, confused with him just standing there probably. He gave an insincere smile. Sighing, she folded her hands in her lap. "Sam, we need to talk."

"I figured." he muttered, fighting back tears. How embarrassing would it be to cry in front of her?

"I... I'm leaving for New York tomorrow night." she said, throwing Sam for a loop. He didn't know that, and she had to of known that for a while. It doesn't take a few hours to move halfway across the country. "With Kurt, and Blaine."

"How long have you known?" he asked quietly.

"A little over a week. I mean, I knew I was moving, but thats when Blaine found the apartment." he nodded. "Sam, we can't stay together."

"Okay." he said, blinking and wiping his eyes.

"Wait, let me explain-" she said, going to stand up.

"Let's just leave it like this." he said, holding up his hand to stop her. "I'm happy for you. You will become something. Just, please, I want to be alone, there is nothing more to say. Goodbye Rachel, I wish you the best." she tried to say something, but he opened the door and ran down her stairs and out her door. It wasn't until he got in his car a drove a ways away until he pulled over and laid his head on the steering wheels.

He knew it was coming. But here he was, any hope that he was wrong long gone. Rachel wasn't his anymore, and he couldn't even think about how to move on after being with her for over a year.

* * *

><p>Sam went to Damiens party the next day. Puck had tried to console him, but Sam ignored him and accepted a drink from someone, chugging it down. He hadn't drank alcohol in over a year, but it didn't matter now. After twenty-four hours and he was still hurting for her. At least she was leaving, and he would never see her again.<p>

Then she came to the party, not making it any easier for him. And they locked eyes and all he could think about was how badly he wanted her to make her way toward him and hold him and kiss him. But he looked away and started to down his second cup.

Then the house got packed, and people were getting out of control and dancing and drinking and Sam couldn't remember Rachels last name after five cups of beer.

"Need more?" a girl asked him, who he honestly couldn't remember what her name was but he knew her from somewhere.

"'Mm good." Sam slurred.

She had blonde hair and hazel eyes, and a very revealing top. She looked him up and down and smiled. "I'm Kayla."

"Cool." Sam answered, wondering why she was talking to him.

She giggled though. "Come dance with me!" she yelled over the music.

"I can't, I-" _-have a girlfriend_. But that's right, he didn't. "I mean, sure!" he yelled back, setting his cup down. He let Kayla-or was it Kylee?-drag him into the middle of the room and get very close to him. He was to smashed to have any idea if they were even dancing but eventually he was kissing her and she was leading him away from all the noise without Sam noticing. Next thing he knew, it was oddly quiet and darker and her lips were on his neck and he couldn't see straight and someone was tugging on his pants.

"Do you want me?" she whispered in his ear, her hand traveling down his leg and oh _great _she was going to find out how aroused he wasn't. Maybe it was because he was too drunk. He could think that, but he couldn't deny Rachels face in his mind.

He awkwardly pushed her hand away. "I'm... I'm gonna'..." he pulled away from her and left the room that he had no idea when he had gotten into and stumbled to the floor.

"Dude." someone was saying. Puck? "Are you okay?"

"M'fine." Sam mumbled, suddenly very tired. The floor was comfy, he could just sleep there.

The person who he was assuming Puck made a noise of disapproval. "Come on man, get up. You are coming to my place. Jean would _freak _if she saw you like this."

"I'll sleep here." Sam said into the carpet.

"Get up." Puck said, grabbing Sam and struggling to force an unwilling Sam to his feet. "God damn it, Sam. You are a _wreck_."

One of Sams arms were slung over Pucks shoulders and he was practically dragged out of the house and Puck let him fall into the grass while he took his keys out and fiddled with the lock. Sam laid on his back, staring at the stars. "Rachel likes stars." he slurred. He heard Puck sigh. "Gold ones."

Before Puck responded, Sam sat up suddenly staring at something across the street. "Holy shit! Its a cat. Here kitty kitty!" Sam held out his hands, trying to make what he believed to be a cat hither to him.

"That's a squirrel." Puck said, looping his arms under Sams and throwing him into Puck's back seat. He slammed the door and got into the passengers seat. Before he started the car, he turned around to look at Sam. "If you throw up in my car, I will _beat your ass._ Got it?" Sam slurred together a _got it_ and put his arm over his eyes, wishing the car would stop spinning.

When they got to Pucks house, Puck struggled to get him in and down the stairs to his room in the basement. Sam didn't remember anything after that, but apparently he cried, then yelled at Puck for being an "asshole" then cried again, threw up in his shower, fell off the bed a few times, and fell asleep in the closet.

* * *

><p>Sam probably deserved the morning wake up call he got the next morning.<p>

First thing was the blinds harshly open and all the lights flicked on. Then loud banging noises from a pan. "Rise and shine Sammy!"

Sam groaned, the pain in his head unbearable as he tried to cover his eyes. "Get up or I don't stop!" Puck sung. Sam sat up, groaning. "So you must feel like a jackass after last night, huh?" Sam nodded. "Bet you regret it, huh?" another painful nod. With one loud bang, Puck said, "Okay, you can go back to bed. Just wanted you to know."

Hours later after migraine pills, sleep, and Taco Bell, Sam felt like he was hit by a truck, as opposed to the hit by a tain feeling he had earlier. Puck was staring at him expectantly from the bed. "I'm sorry. I got out of control last night, I was just... Upset."

"Over Rachel." Puck stated.

Sam sighed. "Yeah, over her. I may have over reacted, I just wanted to forget her. And I think I slept with someone." Sam said that last part as he realized it and groaned, running a hand threw his hair. He was panicking instantly, if he did he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

"You didn't. Don't worry, Kayla is telling everyone about you inability to... get it up." Well, at least that was better then sleeping with her. But still, that was better then sleeping with her. "Dude, you need to be careful."

"I know." Sam said, staring at the floor. "I got out of control."

"I love both of you." Puck said. "But I'm here for you man, all the way. I'm not taking her side or anything-"

"No." Sam said. "She did the right thing. I was just going to be a chain on her leg if she didn't leave me." Sam said, his heart breaking all over again. "She... She wanted New York long before I came along." Puck looked at him with annoyingly pitying eyes that Sam wanted to just _go away. _

He also felt like an idiot; drinking himself until he _blacked out_, then almost hooking up with someone, _then _made an ass out of himself in front of his best friend. Last night he did everything wrong, and now he would get to regret and be embarrassed by it for a while.

"I... I'm sorry man."

"Whatever." Sam said. "I don't want to talk about it."

After that, Puck let Sam shower and clean up. He left and went home and tried to smile at Jean an his siblings, but it was hard. He excused himself to his room and laid in his bed, blasting music, trying not to think about anything but in the process almost drove himself crazy.

He had to stop, it was time to move on from Rachel Berry. He took anything that reminded him of her and put it in a box, hiding it in his closet. All of her pictures, CDs, stuffed toys, everything. He sat on his bed, looking around his very empty room, feeling a hole in his heart. Sam would only allow himself to mop until the morning, then he was done. He had no choice but to carry on with his life, with or without her. She was taking her time, and now he had to take his.

But he wouldn't cry. Refused to, not after he made an idiot of himself the night before. He had to keep some pride after all. This was for the better, Rachel was happy now. And when you love someone, that's what matters.

"_Imagine that I am good enough  
>If we can choose the ones we love<br>But I hold on I stay strong._"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Whole lot of angst. No more of that now for a while =p**


	3. Rachel the outsider

**A/N**

**Thank you guys for the reviews! You and Me is up, so check it out. And in case you forgot, I have twitter! Molly334**

* * *

><p>A week and a half after Rachel moved to New York, she had her first audition for the play <em>Next to Normal.<em>

Kurt dressed her in what he called 'normal clothes', clothes she normally wouldn't wear but he insisted that she needed to. High heeled shoes and an almost revealing black dress. Rachel blushed at all the looks she got as she walked to her her audition. It was in a small auditorium, with three men behind a table staring at her. "I'm Rachel Berry." she said.

A large man with a beard studied her. "Do you have any college experience in theater, Ms. Berry?"

She swallowed, uneasily saying, "No, sir."

He scribbled something down on his paper. "Are you currently in college?"

Again. "No, sir."

"How hold are you?"

_Oh God, _she thought. _This is already going bad. _"I'm eighteen."

The men exchanged looks, then he nodded at her. "What are you going to sing?"

"Show me what I'm looking for by Carolina liar." she answered.

"Proceed."

She nodded to the man standing by the stereo and he hit the play button. Rachel thought it would be a good song to showcase her singing abilities.

"_Wait, I'm wrong..._"

She went on with the rest of the song, giving it all she had. She tried to gauge their reactions as she sang, but they kept up their poker faces all the way until she finished. She smiled breathlessly at them, waiting for their praise and wondering where she had been all this time.

The man took off his glasses. "Can I be honest with you?"

Rachels smile dropped. "Yes, sir."

* * *

><p>"He told you to start out <em>smaller?<em>" Ali asked the next day before work, after Rachel told her all about the audition.

"Yup." Rachel said, anger still strong. She had been ranting since she got home yesterday. "He said I was starting out too big for a girl with no education or experience and was taking off _more then I could chew. _He will be sorely regretting this when he doesn't find someone who matches up to my vocal abilities.

"Maybe you should have picked a different song." Ali suggested, not at all affected by Rachels self centered remark like most people would have been.

"What's wrong with the song I picked?" Rachel asked, tieing her apron.

The two were in the kitchen, Dominick and Colette were cleaning up the kitchen and preparing it for the day. "Maybe you should have showed more leg!" Dominick said unhelpfully from across the room. This went ignored.

"Well, its a cool song, but its not great in the least. I mean, I didn't even remember it until you mentioned it a couple of days ago. You need something with more power in it, I think."

Rachel stood with her hands on her hips. "I do not think that was the problem."

"You never know, maybe the song just didn't make an impact on them." Ali sighed, putting a hand on Rachels shoulder. "I'm just trying to say that there are better songs." Rachel smiled, Ali was probably the wisest person she had ever met, always thinking outside of the box.

"I guess, maybe." all of the sudden their was a loud _pop_ right next to Rachels feet and it caused her and Ali to jump. "_What the heck?_"

Dominick was grinning. "I found the poppers we lost a couple of months ago!" he said, throwing another one of the small sack like balls on the ground and causing a deafening pop.

Spencer walked in. "Where on earth is our _owner?_ You know, the guy who runs this place and is supposed to be here right now?" Rachel smiled at Spencer, while everyone thought he was the stick in the mud, she liked him. When he wasn't mad at Ron, Rachel found he was a sweetheart. Even though he wasn't sane like she thought originally, due to his gullibility and numerous quirks, she realized he was odd like them, just in a different, less destructive way. She found out he had a slight case of OCD, and whenever he was giving Ron a particularly difficult time, Ron would say something like, "I wonder how many chairs there are in this restraunt..." and apparently Spencer wasn't able to _not _count all of them. He took medicine for it, and it wasn't all bad in the first place, but he still had many quirks.

"He's napping in his office." Dominick said, throwing one of the poppers at Spencer, which hit his arm and another _pop _rang through the air. Spencer jumped, startled.

"I thought I hid those!" he said.

"Hid what?" Randall said, walking into the kitchen. His eyes landed on Dominick and he grinned. "The poppers!"

"Yeah!" Dominick said. "Let's go wake up the boss."

The two glanced at Spencer, knowing he would object. But by surprise, he said, "Well, go on." and smirked a little. The two ran into the office, closing the door behind them. "Anyway, how was your audition Rachel?" he asked, smiling.

"Ugh." she responded, leaning against the cabinets and waiting for the inevitable pops.

Spencer grimaced. "That bad, huh? Its your first one though."

"That's what I told her." Blaine said, speaking for the first time. He had on his uniform already, and for the first time didn't have his hair gelled. She remembered how shocked Kurt looked, asking if he was _actually_ leaving the house without his hair hard as concrete.

"You have to sing for us yet." Spencer then said. "Soon, because from what Blaine sa-"

"_HOLY SHIT!_" they heard someone scream from the office, then a loud uproar of evil laughing. The door to Rons office flew open and the two Tweedles as everyone called them, ran out at top speed, Ron after them. They ran out into the restraunt, the doors to the kitchen swinging close behind them. Rachel was the only one who watched that in fear, never seeing Ron reacting to one of their shenanigans like that, usually he laughed or played along.

"Anyways," Spencer went on. "From what Blaine says, you are terrific. I was just telling Ron the other day that we could have life entertainment, and since you two and Blaine's boyfriend can sing, I thought it would be cool or something."

"Is he going to hurt them?" Rachel asked. Spencer looked confused for a moment, then said _oh._

"No, he just gets grumpy when he wakes up. Especially if its a _rude awakening. _But he will get over it and they will go back to making my hair turn gray as a team." he laughed.

"But Ron worked late last night." Ali said. "So he isn't going to be in a good mood today."

"That's right." Spencer said, remembering that as well. "We had to stay up and balance our budget and expenses, and if we didn't wait over a month to do that, it wouldn't have taken so long."

"God, if Kelsey is late again Ron is going to tear her a new one then, since he is in a bad mood." Ali said, shaking her head. She turned suddenly. "How is it going Colette?"

"It eez going _fine_." she said shortly, pining up her long red hair.

Ali said that it was easy to ignore Colette, since she took her job so seriously. She was always intent on making her feel included. Rachel tried to as well, but always got the cold shoulder. Ali assured her that would wear off soon.

"Swell." Ali responded, use to the attitude by now. "Blaine, how is the boyfriend?"

"Swell." he grinned, making all of them laugh.

"_Douchebags._" the kitchen doors opened and Ron walked in, then looked around. "Where the hell is Kelsey?"

"I can call her." Ali suggested, the air tense when he walked in. Rachel hadn't seen Ron in a mood other then happy or amused, so this new _angry _and _annoyed _mood was uncomfortable.

"She is an adult, you're not her mom." he snapped coolly.

Spencer was next to him suddenly. "Look Ron, just calm down. We know you are tired-"

"I'm _not _tired." Ron said, glaring at Spencer with ferocity. Spencer looked like he had been a kicked dog, leaning away from Ron now. Ron immediately softened, rubbing his eyes. "Sorry. Just on edge."

"I'm here!" a voice called, walking into the kitchen. Ron probably would have let it go after Spencer cooled him down, but she was wearing her eye make up again and bright red lipstick, even though Ron constantly told her to take it off.

"Are you _kidding me?_" he snapped. The smile Kelsey wore dropped immediately. "First you come in _late_, but after I told you time and time again you _keep _wearing the hooker make up?" Rachel felt her eyes widen, with the confrontation unfolding before her. It was never fun to watch someone get yelled at. "Do you like looking like a cheap-"

Spencer put his hand on Rons shoulder. "You guys, we have to talk to you all about something." Ron and Spencer shared a look, then Ron sighed and nodded. Rachel didn't know why Spencer was always first and willing to calm Ron down, and she wondered if it was always like that. "We went over the book yesterday, and things are less then... good. They aren't _bad,_ just not..."

"Good?" Randall offered.

"Yeah."

"We lost more money then we got last month." Ron said bluntly. "Now this doesn't affect us _yet,_ we just have to be careful and not do things like..."

"Buy three plasma TV's." Spencer said quietly. Ron shot him a look.

"But Spencer had an idea."

"Which I already sort of told you guys already, about live entertainment." Spencer said excitedly, smiling while clasping his hands together. "If, Rachel or Blaine don't mind, you guys could do a little small performance that is. We'd ask Ali, but-" he closed his mouth at the sharp look she shot him. Rachel wondered what that was about but didn't press it.

"How would that help?" Rachel asked.

"Well, we were hoping it would draw people in." Ron said. "Its not for sure, but you know. Spencer explained it..." he trailed off, looking at Spencer pointedly.

"Oh, yeah. Its proven more people are drawn in if live performance is advertised." he said.

"I'll do it." Blaine said, shrugging.

"That'd be great! If it works, Rachel, you as well...?"

"Yeah." she said, smiling. At least she would be able to perform in front of people.

"Cool, so if you could start tomorrow night are something, Blaine..."

"_Tomorrow night?_" Blaine asked. "I don't really have anything planned..."

Ron laughed. "Yeah, you and I both know you could come up with something short notice."

"I guess." Blaine said, smiling.

"Well perfect! Spencer, if you could get it some attention..."

"I will put up flyers." Spencer said, looking serious and determined.

* * *

><p>"How nice." Kurt said when Blaine told him about the live performance. "You know, maybe me and Ms. Von could stop by for dinner and she could meet my boyfriend like she wants to."<p>

"She wants to meet little ol' _me?_" Blaine said, grinning and feigning amusement. Kurt pushed him playfully. "Well, it would be a good time for Ron to meet _my _boyfriend."

"What about you Rachel? I know you never miss a performance."

Rachel swallowed some of her pasta before answering. "If it attracts attention, I will. So, how _was_ Ms. Claire today?" In the short week Kurt spent with Claire Von, he had the best stories about her.

"She flipped over a buffet table today during the photoshoot." he said, sitting down at the table and stabbing at his salad. "Without any warning or emotion, just flipped it and walked out of the room. I'm so used to it now I just followed her out without much of a reaction."

"Gosh." Rachel said. "Did she say why?"

"One of the models was wearing a _Vera Wang _necklace with _her _clothes in the pictures. She hates Vera Wang, or rather, she is jealous of her."

"Craaaaazy." Blaine sang from the fridge.

Kurt shrugged, as if to say 'yeah'. Suddenly, the house phone started ringing and Rachel stood up and picked it up. "Hello?"

"_Rach?_"

"Yes?" she said, not recognizing the voice at first.

"_Its Puck._"

"Oh! Hey, what's up?"

"_Hey there. I would have called earlier but I wanted to let you settle in. Have you explored the city?_"

"Not yet, Kurt and I plan on doing that his weekend however." she said, glancing at Kurt who mouthed _who is it_. She mouthed back _Puck. _"But we are all settled in."

"_How is the job?_" he asked.

"Its interesting." she laughed. "Hold on." she said, walking of the kitchen and to her room, out of earshot. "How is..."

"_Sam?_" he asked. She sighed and flopped onto her bed. "_He got smashed the night you left at Damiens. Like, black out smashed._" Rachel felt a fist clench around her heart and she closed her eyes. _Why?_

"God. Did he do anything stupid?"

"_Besides act like a drunk and almost sleep with this girl named Kayla? No_."

"Who?" she asked, jealousy creeping up on her.

"_I don't know, some chick. Apparently he couldn't get his sleigh up if you know what I mean and ran out of there._"

"Wow..." she said, at lost for words. She couldn't seem to comprehend what Noah was saying, how could Sam do something like that? It just wasn't him, not the Sam she knew. "How is he now?"

"_I don't know. I'm not even sure where he went off to, he said something about clearing his head for the summer, packed his bags and left_."

Rachels eyebrows furrowed. "He left? Where on earth could he have gone?"

"_He's an adult, he can go where he wants._" Noah said shortly. "_Sorry, this whole situation with you two sucks. He took a train out of here, that's all Jean knows when I asked her. He apparently had a good chunk of change saved of for something, and he used it to leave._"

Rachel didn't know what to say. "Oh." where did he go? But then again, did she have a right to wonder?

"_How is the Big Apple?_"

"I like it here." she said.

"_I knew you would._" after a pause, he said, "_I got to go. I will talk to you later, okay?_"

"Okay Noah."

"_Love you. Stay safe, buy pepper spray or something._"

She laughed. "Love you too Noah." it wasn't weird for them to say 'I love you' to each other, they said it all the time. It was a strict friend thing. When he hung up, Rachel pulled out her laptop and went onto Facebook, hoping maybe there was any confirmation where Sam was, and for the first time in a month, he updated his status five minutes ago(how convenient?).

**Sam Evans **California here I come... _five minutes ago_

Rachel racked her brains for a time he had ever mentioned California, and came up blank. He never mentioned it, or wanting to visit. Why would he go there? Rachel shut her laptop, it was none of her business.

* * *

><p>The next day, Blaine and Rachel went in early for two different reasons; Blaine went in earlier then usual to talk to Ron about his performance, and Rachel went in to take her mind off Sam, hoping that finishing the dishes or something would help.<p>

When Blaine went into Ron's office, Spencer walked out, looking tired, but he smiled when he saw Rachel. "Good morning Rachel."

"Morning." she said, going to the sink and running the water. The dishes were Dominick's job, and he was supposed to do them before he left but he always put them off until morning unless someone else did them for him.

"I can help." Spencer said, standing next to her and rolling up his sleeves.

"You don't have to." she said politely.

He waved his hand. "There is nothing else to do. And unlike Ron, I can't stand around and do nothing. I get too antsy." Rachel grinned and for a few moments they washed and dried in silence.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked, glancing at him. She didn't miss him freeze and looked panicked for half a second, but he regained himself.

"Of course." he said, not looking at her.

"Yesterday, when you said you would ask Ali to sing but... What was that about?" she asked curiously. If anything, she just wanted to make conversation.

At first Spencer seemed relieved at her question, but then he looked slightly troubled. "I know we all seem a little..." he trailed off, thinking. "Crazy here, its something to get used to. But soon you are going to find we all have our pasts, and well... I think that, and I'm not religious or anything, some divine power brought all of these people with hurt that had horrible things happen to them into this one restraunt. Ali, Kelsey, Randall, Dominick, _all_ of us have had bad things happen. Eventually you will find out everyone's story..." he went quiet, and Rachel was shocked. It was not the response she thought she would get.

"Ali came her to sing on Broadway, but something happened which I'm sure she will tell you." he went on. "She doesn't sing anymore, and its a shame. When she first got here she sang all the time, and it was lovely."

"Did something bad happen to you?" she asked, frowning.

Spencer smiled sadly, looking at the sink. "Yeah. But I'm alive, right?" he said, finally looking at her and smiling.

Rachel didn't ask Spencer what happened because she wasn't part of the family yet. She still felt like an outsider trying to fit into a close knit family. But she was growing attached to them, and she hoped that they liked her as much as she liked them, but she couldn' fight the feeling of being an outsider all over again. "Everyone likes you here." he suddenly said. "I can tell you are... holding back, trying to seem normal, but I can tell. We love different here." he grinned a wide smile, and Rachel stared at him, wondering if he was a mind reader.

"Thanks." she said, going back to rubbing the dishes. "I just feel... like I'm intruding on a family."

Spencer laughed. "We are a family. Most of us don't have an _actual_ loving family, and with all of our oddities we kind of just... fit in together."

"What's your family?" she asked. "I mean, if you want to tell me..."

He seemed to think a moment. "They are nice, I guess. They have four kids including me, and I'm the least favorite."

"That can't be true-"

"They told me." he said. "They are blunt, and professional, and while I _seem _like the serious guy sometimes, I was the most... liberal in the family. I am positive I went against every single expectation they had for me, and I'm happy. They love me, they just don't like me. What about you?" he added quickly.

"I have two daddies." Rachel said proudly. "My mom gave me up and I have the two best parents."

"They're gay?" he asked, with no trace of judgment. In fact, he looked oddly happy. "Like on _Modern Family_?"

"I love that show!" Rachel said, smiling.

"Me too!" Spencer said excitedly. "It's my favorite show." he dried the last dish and set in on the rack.

"I have the first and second season on DVD." Rachel said, grinning.

"Lucky!" he said.

Before Rachel went on, the door opened to Rons office and him and Blaine came out. "Ladies." Ron greeted, causing Spencer to grumble. Rachel smiled at him and he smiled back, the first person to accept her into their little family.

* * *

><p>That night, it got packed. Somehow, Spencer got fliers and ads <em>everywhere<em>, and he was right when he said people would come to an advertised live performance. Rachel was hopping table to table as they waited for the act. Even Spencer, who technically wasn't a waiter, helped to serve tables.

She was surprised when Kurt, and a lady wearing jeans and tee, paired with a large hat and large sunglasses came in together. She hadn't thought he would actually come, and she knew Blaine was going to be happy. When he caught her eyes he waved and she seated them right away. "Rachel, this is Claire-"

"_Shh!_" the women hissed.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "She is in disguise. She doesn't want to be spotted out, or her deep dark secret of her love of greasy food will get out." Rachel suppressed a laugh.

"I would like a hamburger." the women said, pushing back some of her pale blonde hair back into her hat. Rachel was shocked to find she had a thick British accent.

"The accent is a dead give away, _Claire._" Kurt chided.

"Forgive Mr. Hummel." she said, probably looking at Rachel. She couldn't tell, due to the sunglasses. "He had been in a _mood_ all day."

Kurt looked to be biting back a snarky comment. "Will you please send Blaine our way?"

"No problem." she smiled, turning on her heel and running to the kitchen. "Blaine!" she said. He looked up from the corner of the room. "Kurt is here."

A large smile broke out on his face and they walked back together to Kurt and Claire Von. When Kurt saw them, he smiled and stood up, Claire doing the same.

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and turned to his boss. "This is my boyfriend, Blaine. Blaine, this is Claire."

"Hello." Blaine said, giving her a charming smile.

She clasped his hand and shook it. "You are _adorable,_ just like my Kurt said." Kurt blushed.

"His words, not mine." Blaine said. "Do you mind if I borrow him?"

"No, by all means!" she said, sitting back down. The three walked across the restraunt into the kitchen.

"Everybody, this is my boyfriend, Kurt."

Dominick, Colette, Ali, Spencer, and Ron were in the kitchen and they all looked up. "Oh, 'ow _cute _iz zat!" Collete said, clapping her hands.

Ron walked over shaking Kurts hand. "We have heard tons about you." he said.

"I'm Spencer!" came the shaggy haired boy, a large smile on his face.

"Nice to meet you guys."

"I hate to say it, but we need to get back to work." Ron said apologetically. "By the looks of it, Randall is the only one out there."

"Oh!" Spencer said from behind him.

"Nice to meet you Kurt!" Dominick called.

"Dominick, I need a hamburger!" Rachel said. Spencer, Ali, Ron, Kurt, Blaine, and Rachel left the kitchen simultaneously. They all started to divulge in different directions. Blaine and Kurt were holding hands, and Rachel wasn't far enough to no hear what happened next.

A man, walking back from the bathroom passed Kurt and Blaine, and Rachel heard him say, "_Stupid fags._"

She stopped and spun around. Kurt and Blaine also stopped, and Rachel was about to run after the guy where out of nowhere, as he was walking away, a tall figure grabbed him and through him against the wall.

"What the _fuck_ did you just say?" it was Randall, who now grabbed the guy by the collar and pinned him. The guy looked tough, but he was nothing compared to the tall and built Randall, but that didn't stop him from struggling.

"None of your business lurch!" the guy said. "Get your hands off me!" Randall was pulled away by Ron, who stepped in between the two men. "I want to speak to the owner!"

"Present." Ron said dully.

"Your waiter just threw me into a wall!"

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Well fire him." the man said, shooting a smug look at Randall.

"Well, I'm not going to do that. So get your ass out of here." the man stared open mouthed at Ron. "Now, and don't come back."

"Are you _kidding_-"

"No, I'm not kidding you. You don't get to come in here and make my friends feel like shit because you grew up and impotent douchebag. So get the hell out before I let _Lurch_ kick the ever-locking shit out of you."

"Fine!" the guy said. "Wait until I get this place shut down, this can't be allowed!"

As he walked away, Ron called, "Good luck finding a cop who _gives a rip_ in New York, buddy!" he turned to the shocked couple. "You two okay?"

"You didn't have to..." Kurt said, looking at his shoes.

"I don't do anything I don't have to do." Ron said, shaking his head. "Douchebags aren't allowed here."

Blaine looked at Randall. "Thanks."

Randall shrugged. "You guys are family now." and he walked away.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Blaine was in a cleared out section in the corner, mike and equipment set up, playing his first song. He opened with <em>Don't you want the way I fell<em>, an original song by him. He kept glancing lovingly at Kurt, who looked to be swooning at his table.

Rachel was doing her rounds, asking people quietly if they needed anything. It wasn't until Blaine was starting the next song when she heard a familiar, "Rachel?"

It took her a moment to make out the face in the dim lights, but soon she found herself stunned. "Jesse?"

Jesse St. James smiled at her, sitting alone at a table. She hadn't remembered seeing him all night. "Looks like you made it."

She smiled lightly. "Yeah, I made it."

"How long have you been here?"

"Almost two weeks."

He grinned. "Ah, that's why I haven't heard anything about Rachel Berry taking over New York yet." she laughed. "You should call me." he said suddenly, fishing through his pocket and taking out a card. She took it in her hands, _dance studio instructor_. "We can, get together or something." he said, standing up.

Rachel said, without putting thought into it, "Sure."

He leaned forward, into her ear. "I missed you." Rachel didn't respond, and with one last smile he was gone.

She turned the card over in her hand, maybe it was time to move on.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**So, yeah. Jesse is back. **

**I also wanted to point out that I wanted to make my OCs troubled misfits with their own share of hurts, and as the story goes on we will figure more about their pasts. And I have something planned for Ron I am looking for an opportunity to get out, just waiting for the right time. Feedback?**

**Next chapter we will learn some things about Ali and Randall, which will explain his lash out on the homophobic guy in the story.**


	4. Rachel and the filler

**A/N**

**Yes, this is not my best chapter, sorry. **

* * *

><p>It was the day after Blaine did the live performance, Ron had everyone in the kitchen so he could give the verdict. Blaine was a little giddy that morning, and from all the awkward giggles between him and Kurt that morning, Rachel had a disturbing idea why.<p>

"Alright everyone, I would like to start off by saying thank you to _Spencer_," he said, nodding over at the brunette. "For getting us packed last night. Let's all clap for Spencer." everyone did so. "And also to Blaine, for playing kick ass songs last night." the clapping continued. "Now, I can safely say, that the way things are going, last month might as well didn't happen!" the clapping got louder and Dominick and Randall whooped.

"To celebrate, we are all going out to the bar tonight!" Randall and Dominick got louder. "Now I know Kelsey, Blaine, and Rachel are not legal so you guys can have a coke or something. Or if you get caught drinking I'm not busting you out of jail. And Blaine, you should see if Kurt can come." he added. "I didn't really get to meet him yesterday."

"Sure." Blaine grinned, blushing.

"Someone got laid last night." Dominick sang from behind the counters, Randall snorting next to him. Blaine got even redder.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Anyway, get back to pretending to work." Dominick came over to Rachel and grabbed her shoulders and planted a big kiss on her cheek."

"What the-?"

"Thank you Miss. Rachel for doing the dishes for me yesterday." he said, smiling stupidly.

Rachel laughed, knowing it was a friendly gesture. She glanced at Spencer, who stood next to her. "Spencer helped, you know."

"Oh?" Dominick said, looking at Spencer curiously. Spencer took a step back, staring at him threw narrowed eyes. "Well, come here big boy."

"Dominick, _no-_" he tried to duck around Dominick, but Dominick wrapped his bear arms around Spencer and planted a big kiss on Spencer's cheek, making a nice wet _smooch_ sound. "Ugh!" Dominick laughed, him and Randall high fiving. "Gross."

"I'm gonna' have a smoke before work. You coming, Rach?" Rachel nodded at Ali and they went out back. Every time Ali had a smoke break, Rachel would go with her, never actually smoking. But Ali would always offer.

"So." Rachel started carefully as Ali lit her first cigarette. "I heard from Spencer that you use to want to be on Broadway."

Ali didn't seem affected at by that statement. "Yeah, that was a long time ago."

Rachel nodded for a moment. Ali and her became fast friends, Ali being the calm to Rachels crazy. But she was still scared to ask. "Well, I was just wondering... why..."

"He told you I don't sing anymore I'm guessing?" she asked, blowing out smoke. Rachel nodded, wringing her hands. "Well, its true that I don't." she paused. "Two years ago, I walked down town to do some shopping. I was young and naive. I thought I could make it. This guy recognized me from one of my auditions, he was an assistant or something he said. His boss was interested in me he said, and to come down to his office the next day."

"That doesn't sound legitment." Rachel said, a sudden sick feeling in her stomach.

"Sounds fishy, right?" she laughed. "Well, that's what Randall said. He said I shouldn't go, it didn't make sense that someone's boss wanted to meet me, but I wanted to believe I was the one that got away. So I went, but Randall insisted on driving me. It was a warehouse more than anything, when Randall saw he tried to talk me out of going, but I was determined. He said fine, but he wasn't leaving until I sent him a text when I got in and met the guy. So I went in and no one was there except the assistant, and when I asked him where his boss was, he told me to follow him to his office.

"When I got in the office, he closed the door and no one was in there either. Before I could ask what was going on, he threw me on the floor." she paused, glancing at Rachel. "I shouldn't have been so stupid."

"Did he...?" Rachel asked, waiting for the happy ending.

"Yup." she said, shrugging. "It didn't take him long, I had been trying to get dressed and while he was getting dressed to leave, the door opened and Randall came in." she shuttered. "I was on the floor half naked with blood all over my legs, he lost it. And this guy wasn't small, like the homophobe from yesterday. He was just as tall as Randall, and just as big if not bigger. So they started fighting, and I called the cops before one of them could kill the other."

"Oh God." Rachel whispered, hot tears in her eyes. "What happened to Randall?"

"Charges were dropped." she said. "His sentence was lessened if he dropped the charges and he doesn't have to register as a sex offender."

"But he-"

"Randall would have been sent to jail for two years." she interupted. "He did more damage to the guy then he did to Randall. And for it not to be on his records, I thought it was a good deal. Hey, don't cry." she said, looking at Rachels face and putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine now."

"I'm so sorry." Rachel said. "Are... are you and Randall close?"

Ali smiled. "I'd say so."

"Are you two...?"

"No." she said quickly. "I don't get into relationships."

"Don't you want to fall in love?"

"Ain't no such thing for me." Ali said, flicking her butt. "He is a good guy though." Rachel frowned, but she stepped forward and hugged Ali, and Ali hugged back without hesitation.

Ali was such a calm, loving person. How anyone could violate her like that made Rachel darn near throw up. She couldn't imagine, horrible things like that had never happened in Lima. But they did in the big bad city they did, to good innocent girls like Ali.

...

The day passed without anything interesting happening, other then Colette going full on crazy on some customer who was not satisfied with the food("You would not know good food if eet bit you in zee ass!"), but not much else happened. After work, they took the bus to Rons favorite bar, who he said "loved gays" and "weird people". Blaine told them Kurt would meet them there.

Ron bought everyones first drink, Rachel had a Shirley Temple. She sat and watched Ali play pool with Dominick and Randall. Colette was at the bar getting hit on, and many girls went up to Ron but he shrugged them off, sitting at a table next to Rachel with Spencer by him. Blaine was staring at the door until Kurt walked in, grinning and going to meet him.

Rachel noticed a lot of gay couples there, oddly. But Ron told him that if an owner of a bar was tolerant of gay people, they advertised it. Rachel thought that was odd, but to each his own.

Rachel pulled out her phone when she felt it buzz. An unknown number texted her.

_Its Jesse. You haven't called me yet! _-J

Rachel furrowed her brow. _Haven't had the time. How did you get my number?_ -R

_Your number hasn't changed since high school, Rach._ -J

_Oh, right._ -R

_So I was wondering what your plans for the night are._ -J

She chewed on her lip. _I'm at a bar, drinking a Shirley Temple with some people I work with -R_

_Maybe I could stop by? -J_

Did she want that? "Hey, Kurt?" she said. The boy looked down at her from his spot next to Blaine, who had his arm around his waist.

"Hm?"

"I ran into Jesse yesterday."

He gasped. "Gross."

"You know, I was thinking of inviting him here." she said, not assured by his reaction.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Why? Rachel, you are not thinking of-" he stopped himself, then pulled away and sat next to Rachel. "You're not thinking about dating him again, are you?"

"I think that Jesse and I were good together-" she ignored the snort Kurt gave. "-and perhaps the best way to get over Sam it to-"

"Date someone that isn't right for you." he said dully.

She sighed. "I don't know why I asked you. I'm inviting him anyway." anything to get over Sam. She started to text Jesse the address.

"Just be careful, hun." he said seriously. She gave him a curious look. "This has all potential for you to get hurt."

_Worse then last time? _she thought. _I doubt it._

* * *

><p>Rachel had been in New York for three months. Things changed, things stayed the same;<p>

She was able to go hours without thinking about Sam. It hurt less to think about him.

She started dating Jesse St. James again. Ever since he went to the bar with them and was nice and gentlemanly, took her home and kissed her at the door. She felt _nothing_ when he kissed her, but she would get use to that. Kurt hated it whenever he came over to the apartment, but most of the time he didn't say anything rude. Well, at least half the time he didn't anyway. But Jesse was good to her, sang with her, gave her intelecutual conversation. Something every girl wanted.

Randall was more outgoing around her now. And the more she looked, the more she saw the glances and small touches between him and Ali.

Ali became the closest female friend she had ever had. Ali didn't get annoyed with her at all, she was a downright saint.

Rachel was comfortable with all of them, and they got to know her more demanding side, and was soon called, 'girl Spencer'.

She also found out that Ron use to be the lead in the Warblers. Spencer told him his voice was just like the guy from the band 'Say Anything'. Rachel looked up that band when she got home. Rachel demanded to know why he didn't sing live performances. He shrugged. "Maybe next week." he had said every week.

The live performances took off great, and Rachel even sang sometimes. She loved it.

Rachel also found out another interesting thing one day before work. It started when she was in the kitchen, talking to Ali and Dominick. "Don't you think its weird that Ron never goes for all of the girls that hit on him?" it was true, whenever they went out or even just at the restraunt girls fawned over his good looks.

But Ali and Dominick looked at her like she asked a stupid question. She returned that look with a confused one. "Oh my God she doesn't know." Ali said.

"Know what?" Rachel asked.

"Ron is gay." Dominick said.

Rachels jaw dropped. "_What?_"

Ali looked at Dominick. "I suppose it is surprising. It just seems like fact, but I was shocked too."

He shrugged. "Same here I guess."

"Wait, he is _gay?_" Rachel said.

"Who's gay?" Blaine said, just then getting in.

"Ron." Rachel said, expecting him to be shocked.

"Yeah." Blaine said slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"_You knew?_"'

"Ever since I met him." Blaine said. "I could have sworn I told you, I mean I know I told Kurt."

"I am just shocked right now." Rachel breathed. Rachel of all people knew there wasn't a type when it came to who was gay and who wasn't, but _Ron?_ He seemed so... not gay. _Great, that's what all ignorant people say_, Rachel thought, mentalling slapping herself. "I just didn't see him as being gay."

"Who's gay?" Deja vu, but this time Ron walked in. Rachel shut her mouth immediately, embbarassed.

"You, boss." Dominick said. "Rachel didn't know."

Ron flicked his wrist in a stereotypical gay way. "Shoot, _me?_"

Rachel looked down at her feet, face flaming. Great, now he would think she thought of him differently and think she was ignorant and now they would kick her out of their family- "Sorry."

She looked up when he didn't say anything, fearing the worst, but his eyebrow was raised. "Why?"

"It's just... I..."

He laughed. "Rachel, seriously its no problem. Whether they remember it or not, everyone was just as shocked." he gave her shoulder a pat. "Now seriously, don't sweat it. And where the hell is Spencer? He's-" Ron stopped, eyes widening, mouth slightly opened. "_He's late._" he looked at Dominick. "He's late!"

Rachel was about to start laughing, but when her eyes landed on Dominick, he looked just as serious. "He's late!" he echoed, looking frantic. He started grinning. "Spencer's late!"

The kitchen doors burst open and a very out of breath Spencer appeared, looking distressed. "Late!" Ron yelled, pointing at him.

"Oh God, Ron I am so sorry. I'm sorry, my alarm didn't go off I'm sorry it-" he was red in the face, panting. "I didn't mean to, please don't fire me I can't afford to lost this job it wont happen again."

Ron's face dropped and he looked annoyed. "You are sucking the fun out of this for us."

"Seriously." Dominick agreed. "We were just going to give you a hard time."

But now Ron looked concerned, staring at Spencer while worrying hit bottom lip between his teeth. "Is everything alright Spence?" Rachel looked past the red face and saw under his eyes were purple, and his face was littered with worry. His eyes shined slightly, like he was about ready to cry, and his mop of a hair was in slight disarray. She didn't even think about how for the first time someone referred to him as Spence. "Put some coffee on for Spencer." Ron said firmly, looking at Colette and Ron. Colette nodded and began to make the coffee.

Spencer sat down on a small loveseat Ron bought last week that was put in the kitchen, which sounded weird but working there, Rachel was used to the weird stuff. He ran a hand threw his hair, staring at nothing across the room with wide eyes. Ron sat on the arm, right next to him, and Rachel sat on the other side.

While Colette was making the coffee, Randall and Kelsey walked in. Immediately they could tell from the tense air and quiet room that something was wrong. "What's going on?" Kelsey asked, her pretty eyes landing on Spencer. Randall glanced to his best friend Dominick, who shook his head. Rachel didn't know what the meant, but the two seemed to understand each other because Randall moved into the room wordlessly.

Blaine was silent, standing next to Ali, both looking worried. If Rachel took a step back from the situation and just looked around, she would see everyone coming together when she saw one person from their family down, all waiting to figure out what happened.

Colette walked gracefully around the kitchen counter/island and bent at her knees and held out the coffee cup. He smiled at her, looking through his hair that rested in front of his eyes. He took it and she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She stood up and took her spot next to the oven.

"What's up, Spence?" Ron asked, his arm laid across the back of the couch.

Spencer sipped at the coffee, swallowing loudly. "I'm really close to my little sister Aubrey." he said.

"This I know." Ron said.

"Rachel and Blaine don't." Spencer said. "Anyway, you both know my family doesn't care much for me, but Aubrey and I always got along, ever since we were little she was my best friend." he took another drink. "She is in the hospital right now."

Everyone gasped, Rachel perhaps the loudest. "Oh God, what happened?"

"She was walking down Ocean Boardwalk and she was mugged. She screamed for help and he-" Spencer chocked suddenly. "She got shot." it got so quiet that a pin drop could be heard. Rachel couldn't look anywhere other then Spencer's pain stricken face. "I got a call last night and I went to the hospital right away and she was in surgery. She is stable now."

"Why didn't you call me?" Ron asked, sounding annoyed. "Why are you even _here?_"

Spencer shook his head. "I'm not allowed into the hospital until later. She is in the ICU."

"That doesn't explain why you are here." the auburn male said, rubbing distractedly at his tattooed arms. "You should be home-"

"No." Spencer said, shaking his head. "I don't want to be at home right now with nothing to do except sit around waiting for bad news. I want to be here, with all my usual distractions." he stood up, avoiding everyones eyes. "Can we please get to work now?"

Ron chewed his lip, but nodded. "Well, you heard him; get to work."

* * *

><p>"God, I can't believe that." Rachel was saying as she applied a natural shade of lipstick to her lips. She was in Kurts bathroom, which was much larger then hers, mirrors surrounding three sides. She stood in front of the mirror as she got ready for her date that night, Kurt next to her sitting on the counter. "Poor Spencer."<p>

"That is sad." Kurt said, frowning. "Maybe I should go buy pepper spray for you or something tomorrow."

Rachel snorted. "Because people wont notice a well dressed man walking down the street and not think of mugging him."

"Hasn't happened yet." Kurt said cheerfully. "Oh dear God Rachel I have seen children do their lipstick better. Come here." he commanded. He took her face in her hands and wiped some away, then reapplying it.

"Thanks." she said, smoothing her dress. "What are you Blaine going to do tonight?"

Kurt shrugged. "We are just going to stay in. I'm much too tired to go out tonight. And some game is on right now. I think its football."

Rachel laughed. "Its baseball. Football is done for now." she almost frowned, remembering she only knew that because of Sam. "Are you going to watch with him then?"

It was Kurts turn to laugh. "Yeah, I am going to watch baseball. Yup. Definitely. No, I'm going to go over Ms. Vons' schedule this week. She has a tendency to think she can be in two places at once, so I should do that before I run into any problems."

There was a knock against the door frame. "Hey, Jesse is here."

"Thanks Blaine." she grinned. "How do I look?"

"Stunning." Blaine said sincerely, then dissapearing.

"I agree." Kurt said.

"Have fun watching baseball." Rachel joked, grabbing her purse. Kurt rolled his eyes but gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Have fun with asshole." he grinned, and sadly comments like that didn't bug Rachel. She walked out of the bathroom to find Jesse in the kitchen, waiting for her. "Hello, Jesse." Kurt said politely.

"Hello Kurt." he nodded, then smirked at Rachel. "Hello, beautiful. You ready?"

Rachel smiled as he kissed her cheek. "Yes."

The two walked down her street to the restraunt, passing by Marvel headquarters, another painful reminder of her ex, a few clothing stores that Kurt didn't care for, and a music and record shop Blaine _loved_ and frequently dragged Kurt to. They passed by that Star bucks that was near the bus stop, so Blaine and Rachel went there a lot for breakfast. She had explored the whole block with Kurt a week after they moved in, and she knew her way around pretty well.

He made reservations at a fancy Italian restraunt and mostly talked about his dance studio he owned. Rachel listened, like she always did, but her thoughts kept leading to Spencer. She made him promise to text her with good or bad news, but she hadn't gotten anything yet. "Rachel?" she gave a slight start, looking at Jesse.

"I'm sorry, what?" she said, fiddling with her fork.

"You seem distracted." he said, pulling her fork away and setting it down. "Is everything alright?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, I'm just out of it I guess. My friend Spencer had something horrible to him last night and I'm just waiting to see if things are okay."

"How sad." Jesse said, not seeming too interested. "How are your auditions coming?"

"I haven't really signed up for any lately." she said with a sigh.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why not? Because you had a bad first audition?"

Rachel blinked, taken aback. It took time to getting use to his brash. "No, I have just been trying to figure out how to start smaller exactly."

"Oh." he responded. "That's a good idea. I really wish we would have seen each other before that. I could have told you that, I mean then you wouldn't have gone through the embarrassment of auditioning."

"Yeah." she hummed distractedly, staring at nothing specifically behind his shoulder.

"There are some local small production plays."

"Yeah."

"Or you could try for crew."

"Of course."

"Rachel."

"Hmm?"

He sighed. "You seem distracted."

"Well, I am." she responded. "And I told you why."

"Someone's crabby." Jesse teased, yet somewhat serious.

"I'm not crabby." Rachel defended. "I'm just worried."

"Sorry." Jesse said plainly. "Let's talk about something else. How was work today?"

"It sucked because my friends sister was shot." she said shortly. Jesse sighed, setting down his drink and gazing at her. Rachel immidiatly regretted snapping. "I'm sorry. I am just waiting for news from him." she took his hand. "How was your day?"

"Tiresome." he replied. "I mean, I just hate turning down aspiring dancers all day, but if they suck..." he went on to shrug. "I can't help that."

Rachel smiled, but jumped when she heard her phone buzz, and she ignored Jesse as she fished through her purse for it. A text.

_She is going to be fine! -_S

Rachel sqeeled happily. _I'm so glad! Oh, Spencer I have been waiting for good news_ -R

She looked at Jesse. "She is going to be fine!"

"Thank god I was holding my breath." Jesse joked.

The next day at work, as soon as Rachel saw Spencer, she ran to hug him tightly. He laughed, holding her back. "I'm so glad Spencer!"

"Me too!" he said, squeezing her tightly. They both squealed now and jumped together.

"Ladies!" Dominick's voice called. "Please." Spencer rolled his eyes, pulling away from Rachel. Dominick grinned and pulled him into a hug.

The rest of the morning passed by in hugs. Rachel smiled as everyone came together. Things weren't going the way she wanted, but they were going good enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**If it seems like I skimmed over Jesse, and rushed through this chapter, its because I did. )= Sorry, I will make it up to you! So lets see what Sam is up to...**

**Oh, what does everyone think of my OCs?**


End file.
